I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
