ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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