I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
