You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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