You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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