What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
3 2 1 whiskey
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
