isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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