Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
