Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
