So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
