so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
