I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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