I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
