I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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