$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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