how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
