You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
