What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
