You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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