Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
