tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
