Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
