Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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