Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
