can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
