first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
