we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
