My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
