Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
