His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
