I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
