Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
