Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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