Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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