I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
