I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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