I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
