Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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