Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
