Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
