i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
