Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
