He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
