I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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