don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
