I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think I have vodka in my lungs
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
