When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
