I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Rumble strips road head = magical
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
