I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
