is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
