Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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